Lisha Cassibo has been writing for the Uxbridge Cosmos for two years, both as a freelancer and as a columnist. She has also written for several parenting magazines both here in Canada and for English publications in Switzerland. She graduated from Carleton University with an honours degree in Journalism and English Literature. She lives with her family in Sunderland.
What's in a name?
Several very astute readers noticed a couple of weeks ago that, in this very paper, one piece that I had written, and the accompanying photo, had Lisha Van Nieuwenhove as the byline name, while the other piece had cited Lisha Cassibo as the author. Some speculated that I had an evil twin (some would say I am the evil twin!) who shared my first name, but was raised by another family. Others wondered how there could possibly be two Lishas wandering Uxbridge, let alone writing for the Cosmos. And a few were brave enough to ask me outright if I was going through an identity crisis and who was I really?
I am officially, and have always been, officially, Lisha Van Nieuwenhove. My father, born in Belgium, bestowed this lovely 14-letter moniker upon me at my birth. And as painful as it is to write out (I mess it up regularly) and spell out for others, it is my name, legally. Officially. When I married, I chose to not change my name, as I kind of liked my unusual yet cumbersome handle. I did, however, use Cassibo often, as it's way easier to spell, and it became the only name by which many people knew me.
Life circumstances being what they are, however, have led me back to using my “maiden” name (I was never a “maiden”, that phrase always makes me giggle) and I am insisting from this moment onward that, as often as is humanly possible, I be known as Lisha Van Nieuwenhove. (My editor isn't very pleased about it, it means more work for him).
This has caused me to reflect on how much importance we give to a name. I'm kind of enjoying going “back to my roots” and using my full name all the time again. Using Lisha Cassibo always looked and felt a little foreign, like half of it really was me, and half of it wasn't. When I use my big name, I really feel like it's all me.
My kids, of course, are a little bewildered by it all. They wonder if they have to follow suit and change their last name, which is Cassibo, as well. And it's hard to explain that no, they were born Cassibo and can stay Cassibo for forever, or change their last name when they marry, or hyphenate, or do whatever they like, but they do not have to take on my last name (much to the six-year old's relief. She can't even say Van Nieuwenhove, let alone try to spell it.)
We've had grand discussions over it all - I've told them how many women nowadays don't change their names when they marry. How many change their names back when they are no longer married. How some just accumulate last names like others accumulate charms for their Pandoras. How women over in Switzerland, where the two older ones were born, add their partners’ last name to theirs, sometimes creating whole new last names. How some hyphenate, with their partner's name first, then their own name, others with their own name first, then their partners - oh, it's all so confusing! The options and combinations are endless! They make my Van Nieuwenhove look like Smith!
It's amusing how men don't have to contend with this mess. Born a Jones, stay a Jones, die a Jones. I can't say I know many who have a hyphenated last name. I read a “this is a really big deal” article once in a parenting magazine about a man who had decided to take his wife's last name, for reasons that must not have struck me as very profound or meaningful because I cannot remember why he did it, other than to be different.
So I guess I would be speaking mainly on behalf of womankind when I say our first names let us be individuals. Our last names clump us in with our broader, extended selves, our families. (Just as an aside, I often wonder how my brother's wife felt when she married into the family and chose to take his last name. Her maiden name (giggle) was Ball - what was she thinking!?) Hyphenating a maiden name (giggle) with a spouse's name seems to keep the individual hanging on that much longer, then going for the clumping in. (And let me be clear that I am in no way saying being clumped in is a bad thing at all!)
For me, taking my spouse's name officially would have seemed to be losing a part me. It never really fit, but it was really handy at times! Now I shall go back to the long, cumbersome, silly, foreign, hard-to-say, harder-to-spell last name that appears on my birth certificate. Makes me memorable, if nothing else.
“Oh, you know, Lisha. The one with that long, funny last name…” That's if they happen to remember that it's Lisha and not Lisa…
